So I had a dinner with a close friend last night who shall remain nameless. (M.J. Rose) I was telling her about how this rock star used to have an apartment in my building. He also used to keep a large boa constrictor as a pet. While the rock star was barely ever there, the snake, apparently, always was. I was expressing relief that I didn’t learn about any of this until long after said rock star and his snake had moved out when M.J. said, “Maybe the snake had babies.” Cut to 5 AM, me staring wide-eyed into the darkness of my bedroom, convinced every sound I heard was a now fully grown python, whispering to its friends, “Dude. That M.J. lady blew our cover. Our moment is at hand. Ferdinand, you take the toilet. Gertrude*, to the underwear drawer! I’ll take the spot behind the bed.” After tossing and turning for a while, I finally decided to get up.
Which brings me to the real topic of this post.
Local morning news.
I hadn’t watched in a while. It was very informative. For instance, did you know that people who wake up early in Southern California need to see the weather report about twenty times in fifteen seconds? They’re drowsy, I guess, and so they require repeat viewings to truly absorb the fact that it’s going to be clear and sunny for the next 40,567 days here in Los Angeles. Also, on the news front, did you know that teenagers still hate taking the SAT? I couldn’t believe it. I’d heard they’d all fallen hopelessly in love with it somewhere around 2005.
At any rate, this is really just one disclaimer that if when the book I’m working on right now is finally published and you get to a page that’s either written backwards or mostly the letter Q, it’ll be because I wrote it later this afternoon. You can thank M.J. Or blame her, depending on how you feel about the letter Q. (*If you own a snake, or any pet, named Gertrude, email me privately and I will send you a free Yugo. Do they still make those? I waqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq